The English Inquisitor

I don’t get why people judge
they judge me because of
those I hang out with or those
that I go out with
they judge me when I’m by myself
all quiet and humble
but in a way vulnerable
and unable to cope with the world
why do they judge me for the
ones I like and soon start to love
why does everything have to be their way
why do you judge me
make up lies that just symbolize
nothing
why does my head keep spinning
and can’t find a way
why can’t you manage the life you live
and not disturb mine
why do these tears always seem to come out at night
why judge me and not just love me

A monotony of asphalt seems like threat, as I turn up the radio,
until I drown out the sound of internal voices,
and with every increase in decibel, you are forced farther into
the back of my head, like a quick blow to the skull.

All the memories of what you look like become
clouded with nicotine fraught smoke, as I become able
to exhale, my lungs fluctuating with intensity, and realize
what is happening. Realizations turn to pressure in my chest
and stinging in the corner of my eyes; I can’t erase you.

Until I sit across from your apparition, with nothing
to say, and a monotony of asphalt that seems like a threat,
because I come to understand, and am yearning to
admit that we are still learning; a pile of ash falls on my lap.

Look out onto the world…
Do you see the water so blue?
Trees so green?
Animals roaming free?
-Well, that’s all from a distance

Look up into the sky…
Do you see the air so clear?
Clouds passing by?
Birds soaring high?
-Well that’s all from a distance

Look down onto my life…
Do you see the smile on my face?
Can you hear my roaring laughter?
The innocent conversation going on between friends,
So close and so caring?
Mother and daughter sweetly chatting?
-Well that’s all from a distance

Zoom in and see the pollution,
Oxygen escaping us with each breath.
Creatures in such unsheltered captivity.
Ozone layer diminishing.
Clouds floating to the ground, disappearing.
Birds one by one dropping from the sky.

My smile turning upside down,
It was never really there.
The laughter silencing…
Unimportant conversations,
No meaning behind it.
-No longer at a distance.

As I sit here from day to day.

I wonder what he will say.

Will he accept me?

Or will he reject me?

He has no idea about my feelings.

Even if he says yes it will still kill me.

I will never know the road I travel down.

Even when you say “turn that frown upside down.”

We’ve known each other for two years.

And I do want him to know that I still care.

Without himIi have no peace.

Like a bird with no tree.

As I sit here from day to day.

I wonder what he will say.

I can’t wait
Until the day
I get out of
School.

I can’t wait
Until I start
Another new
Life in the very
Big world.

I can’t wait
Until I graduate
From another school
With a higher education
Of a nursing degree,
So that I can save lives.

I can’t wait until the day I
Get married and
Start another new
Life as a wife with
A wonderful husband.

And then finally,
I can’t wait
Until the day
My child calls
Me and her father
Momma and daddy.

As I sit in my room all day long

Watching TV and downloading songs

Thinking then trying to trust him  

I haven’t seen his nice face in so long

Because of an incident that happened in the past

These two years have gone by so fast

Things have happened so quickly, in a blink of an eye

The train needs to slow down

I need a ride to take me away

So I can be free

So things could be how I wish they could be

We can express our love

Without any fuss

It would be so great with just us

To be together whenever we want

To be as free as a bird

That is all I want

Broken-hearted, all night long, she’ll cry

laying there wishing she would die

everyone always said “I know how you feel”

but the truth was her pain was real

Her world was slowly falling apart

everything always hurt, especially her heart

she wanted to so badly for it all to end

because no one cared, not even a friend

she didn’t know what else to do

she had choice one or choice two

she could either end the pain

or go on living with nothing to gain

she picked choice one..

and with a single a shot it was done

it ended just like that

and now, there is no way to turn back.

I can feel you all around me; my mind is spinning from consuming vicodin.
I just want you to lay right next to me, to heal my pains, to make them all go away.
My arms, my foot, my mind and every emotion I have felt.
The time I spend with you is like I am on top of the world, no one can hurt me, and no one can hurt us.
When we are away from each other, I feel it, the dark, pitch black.
It all can affect how I feel, how I am stronger than the rest, it is all diminished.
You’re the only one I can rely on, you’re the only one to protect me, I give you such a responsibility, because if you didn’t have it, I would, and right now I need the support, I am weak, not strong, I cant even get to my bed, I have been sleeping on the couch for three days straight.
I try to get through this for one thing, I will only heal for one reason, and its not me, its not you, its for us, because without you by my side, I don’t know how I can do this, how I can be so strong, so willing, to do my best, you don’t know.

I tried hard not to forget all the fun we had together,
But then I got to thinking I needed to remind myself of others.
In my heart I feel I am losing you each day of the week,
But in my mind all I see is pictures of you and me.
I need to get it in my head that our relationship is over,
You made me cry a couple times and didn’t even give me your shoulder.
Now I see that she’s the one I guess that I will just leave you alone,
But please always remember me as the girl who didn’t want to leave.

When I look at you
My world feels brand new
When I say I “LOVE” you
There’s nothing else I can do
So let me be, you and you be me
So when will I look at me
And say I “LOVE” me
And not you
What will happen?
When that day comes
Will I love me or will I love you
What will happen?